This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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