I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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