There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
