i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
