My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
