I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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