butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
