even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize