I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
