ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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