It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
