She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
don't judge my taste in strippers
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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