chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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