Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
