Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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