PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
