This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
