I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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