He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
