I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
