My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
