Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
