dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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