I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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