Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
