it was like his penis was on wheels.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize