I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
