Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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