Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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