does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
