Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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