guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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