I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
