I think im going to throw up on grandma
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
