so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
