dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
