life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
