if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
