I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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