You smell like a Billy Joel song
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
