And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize