he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
