This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
