You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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