i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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