Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
