Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
