John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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