The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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