how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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