HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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