3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
