To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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