when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize