4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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