And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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