He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize