im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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