Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize