If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
