I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
