my sisters under your porch take her home
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
