so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
