Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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