Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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