Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
