I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
