Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
