a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
