I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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