i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm passing your future prison.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
