He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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