My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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