We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
