This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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